I feel Guilty. But perhaps not in a bad way.

Hi, I was thinking last night about some things, and suddenly I decided that life was unfair. Yeah, i said to myself, " You know, life is really unfair. It's so hard and painfull. Why?".

But then I went outside at 11:47. There was much cloudyness, but for a few minutes, just a few, a part of sky above my head was clear. Clear as a.... window. And you know what I could see? I saw above. Yeah, above. And I actually started to cry, because a few minutes ago I was asking myself why life was so hard, and here in my garden I saw something that I didn't see a few minutes ago. Above.

It was amazing. Not just because I could actually see the sky, but because I could see what was beond the sky. Beond the atmosphere. Space. Everything.

I did a bit of research a few minutes ago, trying to find some stuff out about the night sky. And my, oh my did I find some amazing things. It made me feel so small. Did you know, that some of the stars we can see are actually stars that have died? And died for a very long time. But our universe is so huge that the final light from that Solar System hasn't actually reached ours yet. It just keeps on coming. Because we're that far away. And guess what? The furthest star we can see is actually in OUR galaxy. That means It's in The Milky Way. Now, I'm not trying to make this complicated, but here are some numbers.

Our galaxy is about 100,000 Light years across. A SINGLE light year consists of about 10 TRILLON kilometers. Now multiply 10 trillion with 100,000. That's the size of our GALAXY. Yes. Quite big, isn't it? And our universe is estimated to house roughly 200-400 BILLION galaxies. Deep.

And that's why I cried. I didn't know those exact numbers at the time, but I knew that the Universe is Bloody big,(Bloody deserves a capital "B" here) and that made me feel guilty. It made me feel as I was just a microscopic little spec in the eyes of everything, and that my life doesn't really matter in the grand old scheme of things. And I was complaining about how bad life is? You have roughly 1 in 20 million chance of being born for goodness sake! I'm lucky to be alive, not unlucky to be alive. So I'm going to treasure that. Exactly like I treasure my friends, family and the world around me. The less than perfect, but still amazing world that I live on.

If you've read all of that, I thank you, and I apoplogize for any spelling errors.

That all for now,

Iwan (: